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Paragon of Grace

I do not identify as a klutz, really, but I am kinda goofy and find myself performing slightly dumb and/or humiliating maneuvers fairly often. (Any kind of door, portal or fastening is bound to give me trouble - I can never figure out how to just get out of a car like normal people, for example. All the different handles and switches and levers! So difficult!)

Just now, a series of unlikely events led to me smashing my eye area into the handle of one of my desk drawers. (See, the handles, they're out to get me.) I realize that my chances of developing a black eye are slim, but just in case, I want to be prepared - given my lifestyle, I'm unlikely to have another shiner to talk about ever, so I need a good backstory. The "someone looked at me wrong" or "you should see the other guy" type responses are funny and classic, sure, but let's face it - they've been done. I'd like something new and fresh and as ridiculous as possible. Any thoughts?

In other stupid injury news, I have done something terrible and achy to my left hip. I suspect this may have happened at the ArtBeat fashion show/dance party on Saturday, which makes things all the more embarassing because I am a kind of crappy, self-conscious dancer, and as a result don't actually, um, move around all that much while "dancing." I have a standing injury, is more like it. Maybe a swaying injury. That's just sad.